First Anniversary at Victor Pres

Monday was the first anniversary of my part-time job as administrative assistant at Victor Presbyterian. The timing coincides with me being about 1/3 of the way through another term at school, and one class is conflict and communication. Oftentimes the lessons ask about the way a conflict at work is handled and I haven't been able to come up with a single contribution in that area. The volunteers and staff are awesome to work with. The job itself is a perfect mix of challenge and routine, of autonomy and supervision, and community and isolation.

I've done a couple projects -- updated the church database and compiled a directory. But the biggest accomplishment, a team effort, began about halfway through my law office management class. One of the projects was to design a law office and I scored 100%. That got me thinking . . . the space where the volunteers and I work needed some rearranging. Volunteers couldn't use the paper cutter without banging into my desk, couldn't open a file cabinet drawer without the drawer bumping against the desk, and couldn't sit at a table to help the treasurer count money. The volunteer who collates the newsletter had to carry copies and supplies down the hall to find space to work. If I was making copies and the phone rang, I had to go around the desk to answer the phone -- and usually didn't run fast enough.

So I e-mailed the treasurer, and after several chats back and forth to analyze all the activities that occur in the space, I drew up a rough-draft floorplan, which she adapted a bit. Pastor Colin helped me haul out the L-shaped desk, too big and cumbersome to be effective. Over the next three days (partly because the space was so cramped things had to be moved a couple times to make room -- like backing a car out of a too-tight parking space), furniture, supplies and equipment was manipulated into the new design.

The new design works well. The tellers can count money without getting a backache from leaning over a desk. The newsletter volunteer can work at the table now sitting next to the copier. The office area is separated from the work area, so volunteers don't feel like they're in the way. The church runs on volunteers; the last thing we need is for them to feel like they're in the way.

I just finished another edition of the church directory. With room to work efficiently, the project was minimal effort.

Thanksgiving weekend

Four days off in a row (but no photos, I'm sorry!)

Thanksgiving Day: Beginning at noon, I baked pumpkin pies, yams and rolls; and made mashed potatoes and stuffing for dinner with youngest daughter Sam. Nelson helped me load his jeep with food and we hauled it 1.5 hours over the hill to Dansville for dinner at 3:30. That's when she got off work. She made her first turkey the night before and she reheated it while I warmed up the food I'd brought from Canandaigua. After dinner we kept the McCracken tradition of an after-dinner-stroll. It wasn't nearly as crazy an outing as it is when more then 30 McCrackens wander down the street. But it was still enjoyable. Bart and Ebony competed to see who would leave the most recent scent on each tree that passed; it's a Terrier thing, I think. Sam showed us the apartment where she'll move in a couple weeks.

Friday: Friday was bike shorts for me. Steve Bragg, Nelson and I took about a 10-miler down the street, over the Ontario nature trail and on to the trails at Finger Lakes Community College. We slung mud for miles after riding up and down the wooded trails. Somehow though Steve managed to keep his jeans and jacket clean. Nelson and I, however, looked like we'd been mud-painting with a sprayer.

Saturday: After mucking out the water garden at church and helping to set up chairs, I curled up in a wicker chair on the asphalt driveway by the house and studied. I was comfortable in jacket and jeans; that's how warm the temps were.

Running progress

Runs are productive once again. The trick was figuring out how to squeeze in a running plan that accomodates 18-credit hours of schooling and a 20-hour-a-week job, yet wind up with performance levels that I could also live with.
My goal is about ten miles per week (3.5 miles x 3 days for two weeks, a 3d week of 3 miles x 3, and repeat). During the two 3.5-mile-weeks, one of those runs will be fairly easy. The middle one will be a fartlek type run (3 minutes easy, 3 hard, 3 jog, 1 walk; and repeat). That idea came from Runner's World Magazine, and it's very similar to what I already discovered was a workable plan. And on Fridays I plan a celebratory run -- long, slow, easy. I'd like some of those to be as long as six miles, maybe even eight by spring.
After a one-month trial, Monday's run proved this plan to be reasonable and productive. It was windy, cold and spitting snow when Bart and I took off. But we warmed up fairly quickly. Then I uncovered my face and let the brisk wind cool off my pressure-heated emotions. My legs felt loose. My breathing was controllable. It really felt good. And I went farther in 30 minutes than I had all fall. Today my lungs felt loose and easy. Work and studying was unusually productive.
Ah yes...once again the runs are cleansing and healing. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow's run. Bart's been tired this week, so I'm planning to go solo.

Vision

Nearly ten years ago now, I stood firm for something I believed in. But I was misunderstood and my church accused me of things I hadn't done. It took five years for them to decide I wasn't guilty. By then I had moved on and tried to rebuild a new life. But I was temporarily too disabled to hold a job, my youngest daughter had a breakdown (from which she has now recovered), my mother died, and my husband filed for divorce after we moved to a community where I had just one friend for support. Though the cost was great, standing firm for what I believed in was the right thing to do and I pray that I never forget the lessons learned.

I still sing, "Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee." But I sing with much less cockiness and much more awareness of the cost that may be required. I sing with much more humility.

I still sing, "Be Thou My Vision, O Lord of Life." But I sing with a much more accurate picture of ALL the possible outcomes of that vision, not just the ones I want and desire.

I still sing, "Blessed be the Name of the Lord...when there's joy in the offering...in the path marked by suffering...He gives and takes away. My heart shall choose to say, 'Blessed be the Name.'" But now I sing with a desperate faith, a faith that says, "I STILL believe! And, God, following you had BETTER be the right thing, because it's all I have left to do."

Thanksgiving is this week, time for my annual review of purpose, vision, goals. Almost as if God is already preparing me for this task, the verses on which I stood so firmly 9.5 years ago, have come to mind repeatedly over the last several weeks -- in sermons, in e-mails, and in my ponderings. Even in my law classes, the subject of purpose and ethics have arisen. And 2007 will be a year of significant choices, one of which is, "What will I do after graduation?"

The Bible says, "Without vision, the people perish." I think the year 2007 will be the year in which my vision, basically unchanged from 1997, will be refined, restored, renewed, rebuilt--and once again entrenched firmly within my spirit. This must happen over the next few months because, once I enter the legal arena, temptations to compromise will appear. I pray that I remember that the right choice is worth the cost. And I pray that one day, My Father in Heaven will one day be able to say, "You have been faithful. Today you shall be with Me in paradise."

Differentiation

In an earlier post I talked about fusion, particularly the tendency of us humans to fuse with someone with whom we have conflict ("Fusion," November 10 @ 11:59 a.m.). We also can fuse with circumstances, the weather, stress, the seasons -- a whole host of things. Jesus, on the other hand, was a master at differentiation. Look at the gospels. After nearly every significant choice (a healing or a confrontation), He left the scene, found a private place and checked in with His Father. There He reviewed His purpose, gained strength, and re-entered the world.

The ultimate test of Jesus's ability to differentiate must have been the cross. He had passed the baton to his followers just hours before. But now he hung with only one of those Twelve nearby, the Apostle John. His life's work would be carried on by these frightened, cowering crew.

Jesus's Father had even abandoned Him. "Father, why have you forsaken me?" Jesus cried.

On one side a criminal mocked Him and on the other another criminal asked how to be saved. In pain from nails in his hands, thorns on his hand, and a back whipped skin-free scraping against the wooden tree, Jesus remembered His purpose and stayed the course. Instead of fusing with and giving into the circumstances, He looked at the thief and said, "Today you shall be with Me in paradise." Then Jesus gave up His spirit. He didn't just die. He gave up His Spirit for all mankind. Jesus kept His sight on the bigger picture. He came to die so that man might live.

I will never live up to Jesus's example, but I want to try. I want to be aligned with the Master and differentiated from the world. I want a purpose bigger than the present, a set of values and morals so firmly entrenched that choosing right from wrong demands little thought.

Virtual Visit...

Grandaughter Eliza Grace (age 5) has twice in the last couple weeks asked me to come visit her in Virginia. According to daughter Anna Maria, Eliza has said several times, "Mom, I'm never going to move away because I don't want you to be lonely like Gramma Nete is." Bless her heart. I wonder who's lonelier! Well today I sent her and Magdalena a "virtual visit." Then I decided that, since a lot of my family and friends are hours away, I'd use my blog as a chance to pop in for a "virtual visit". Moreover I decided to come early for the holidays, before you're worn out from all the company and Christmas preparations. And here's the best part for you...you won't have to clean the house, cook extra food or do anything else for this visit. So happy holidays!

Another bread run

Nelson took this photo in October, I believe, on a "bread run." On this particular morning there was so many baked goods for the food shelters in Rochester that poor Bart had to sit on my lap. (He was in a snuggly mood, so that worked out). We barely had enough because the needy were especially hungry and the shelters busy. It seems that no matter whether we have a lot or a little, it's always just enough. (photo by Nelson WHILE driving down the road, I might add).

Weekend with friends

I spent the last weekend of break with friends and family -- Friday celebrating Sam's birthday (see earlier post), Saturday with a friend and Sunday with Ruth Heath (left) and Michele Damon (middle). We've been friends since before Sam was born, so a bit over 23 years. I haven't seen Ruth for about two years; and Michelle since I can't remember when (both live in the southern tier, about 3 1/2 hours away). We laughed ourselves silly, reminisced over the past (like the time Sam, then about 2, tried to push the refrigerator out of the way so she could get her ball that had rolled behind), and caught up on our current events.

The words of a song I heard as a kid come to mind. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." And these are pure gold. (photo by Nelson)

Insight from an unexpected source

I scanned my Runners' World newsletter the other day and found some insight from an unusual sight. (I also realized that it really is all right to have blog entries without pictures).

Kristin Armstrong, one of the editors at Runners' World, wrote in her October 25 blog entry, "A run is detox for the soul, it is my 'reset' button, it is my emotional chiropractor causing everything else to clack-clack-clack-clack back into proper place and perspective. Things that are tight somehow loosen up, and things that are loose somehow tighten up. I emerge better, more than sweat washes off in the shower afterwards. Time flies and stands still all at once, just like holding a baby. When I think I have no time to get out there, or that taking time to run could be the most selfish thing to do in that moment, my feet start slapping the pavement and my lungs fill with air and I remember once again, just like always, that there is nothing selfish about being clean. It's one thing that allows me to be everything I need to be for everyone else and not resent it. With so many time constraints and limits and rules and routines in the hectic pace of daily life, we need another place where we set our own pace, even if it's just for 5 miles. We need a simple and acceptable route to freedom. We need to shake it off." (Mile Markers: Sharing the Road with Kristin Armstrong, http://rodale.typepad.com/mile_markers/2006/11/the_sweet_spot.html.)

Carrying the theme further, she wrote on November 6, "The (Bible) study we are doing now is causing me to do the unpleasant task of character housecleaning. Meaning, I'm taking a good hard look at where I want to be in terms of character, integrity, authenticity and the like. And then I compare where I want to be with where I am. Hmmmmm. Last week at the track, mid-wheeze, I noticed the scoreboard at Austin High School. It says across the bottom, 'No Excuses. Do the Work.' Okay, already. I get it. Metaphor girl gets another parallel. (Or: God gives said runner a whup upside the head.) The only way to make a worthwhile, concerted effort in the area of integrity is through steady, meticulous discipline. Just like discipline is the only way to keep from going flat as a runner. The true desire to be better is consistent in body, mind and spirit. A better writer than me described this as a desire to be sinewy throughout. I love that! You know the difference between an athlete and a dieter...one pushes, one deprives. The end result may look similar (sort of, anyway) from the standpoint of vanity, but health is an entirely different matter.
"You know how you feel when you come home from a long run, not too long so that you feel funky/lazy, but just long enough? The perfect distance and conditions that leave you energized and renewed? That feeling to me is clean, inside and out. On days like that I feel like even my sweat has burned clean. I feel like whatever else I do that day is already blessed. I feel similarly clean when I am living without dissonance; when I am telling the truth, being myself without apology (unless my behavior warrants it), when I am consistent no matter the audience, when I am trying my best, when I am working hard enough to be humbled and am easy enough on myself to be content.
"Ahhh, yes, the sweet spot of living well." (Mile Markers: Sharing the Road with Kristin Armstrong, http://rodale.typepad.com/mile_markers/2006/11/the_sweet_spot.html.)

Well, Kristin, thanks for the insight and the encouragement.

Fusion

I'm taking ADR (alternative dispute resolution), and communication and conflict this term. Before the term even began I read a book about conflict in the church, which was excellent.
Two things I'd like to share:
Fusion occurs when a person's boundaries, identity and values aren't firmly in place, then other people's attitudes, mood, behavior and temperament of other people have a greater impact. Fused people think that whatever behavior another exhibits is directly related to them personally; so when the other is crabby, angry, behaving poorly OR even when their attitudes are correct, their mood and self-identity mirrors the other one instead of remaining separate and independent.
Not too long ago, in an atypical manner for me historically, I managed to maintain my self and avoid fusion with a justifiably frustrated friend who was feeling a bit overwhelmed because of a lot of stress. Total honesty prior to the high tension point in the matter helped me maintain my own identity instead of reacting. I wanted to tackle a few domestic chores to ease my friend's burden, but also I wanted to do the chores because I needed hard labor as a break from studying. Instead of mirroring my friend's tense mood, I maintained perspective, prayed and asked God, "Am I doing the right thing? am I more help or hindrance? should I stay or should I go?" Realizing that my needs were met by helping and concluding I was doing a good job (and thus helpful) at the tasks attempted, I stayed and worked, and managed to keep my attitude in line.
Later I had the chance to discuss this matter, to explain my actions and stubborness, and to ask for clarity for the future of the relationship. The conversation confirmed that I had done the right thing in this situation. I had managed to avoid fusion with my friend.

That leads to my second lesson. One key to keeping tension at bay is to keep your life mission statement, goals, values and priorities firmly entrenched in your brain. Then when tension is felt (and all relationships do have tension present at times, even the best ones) you can disassociate from the tension, go through your own checklist to determine if change is needed, and then act according to your own script. The temptation to REACT instead of ACT is thus reduced.
My brother Anth reminded the other day that I am responsible for MY actions, not for the OUTCOME of my actions. I tend to get angry at God when I think I do everything right, and things seem to turn sour (from my limited perspective). In so doing I have fused with my circumstances, instead of correctly aligning myself with God's grace and mercy. I have to take my thoughts captive and set them at the feet of Jesus. And I need to ask God for insight: What do I need to learn from this experience? Am I in alignment with my goals, values, purpose and mission? Do my goals, values, purpose and mission align with Biblical standards (and there's a lot of freedom there; very little of our life is actually dictated--none the less this check is always needed in every action).
Ponder on with me, dear readers! Sometimes the brain hurts like an overused muscle, but the pain is worth the gain.

4 a.m. Run

I opened my eyes this morning at 3:15 a.m. I rolled over, but was wide awake. I pondered a run, but instead tried to go back to sleep, but awakened again at 3:30, 3:45 and 4 a.m. Finally I dragged my exhausted but wide-awake self out of bed, pulled on my running tights, sweatshirt and running shoes. Though still dark outside, Bart was more than willing to jog along (after stopping to poop three times during the first block). Though the moon was still high in the sky and the sun nowhere in sight, the streetlights provided plenty of light, except for about two blocks along a stretch of road the name of which I don't know. I took a right on East, toward the high school. Bart and I startled a man engrossed in his headset walking alongside the road (instead of using the sidewalk) -- I wondered what would have happened had I been a car driving by, but then I guess I'd have been on the other side. It was still dark when Bart and I walked up the driveway toward the house.
In the dark I discovered a good, safe, running loop -- and 3.5 miles is a good cleansing run for me usually. I've experimented with several routes -- my favorite being the nature trail. But there's a big hill between that trail and me, and a 10" run to get there. So it's not good for a short run. I could drive there, but it's too short for a long run. . And I have to turn around, as opposed to making a loop. There's something psychological that happens to my brain when I have to do a U-turn. I hate them. Because of wrong turns, I've made too many of them in real life. Although there's no break from asphalt and concrete on this run, it's a great easy run, a circle without a lot of nasty hills. Hills are great for hard-runs, but sometimes my body just wants to take it easy.
Nonetheless this run was a bit too easy. After getting home I tried to study, but the Internet was down. So I read a few pages in a textbook and finally fell asleep about 5:30 a.m., close to the time when the rest of this household started dragging themselves out of bed. I did feel some better; even though my mind was still cluttered my body felt cleansed and refreshed. And I did something positive during my sleepless state, instead of making it worse by lying in bed stewing. So that was good, too.
That's something else I've learned about running. If your body can handle that type of pounding, even a bad run accomplishes something good and that makes even the worst of days (or nights!) a bit better.

Eliza Grace now lisps

Eliza Grace started kindergarten this fall and, then, in October lost her first tooth. This photo came from her daddy (my son-in-law), Steven David Johnson.

Sam's Baby

On the week of her 23d birthday, Sam called, "Mom, I just wanted you to know you're a gramma again." After my panic subsided, I realized I was the gramma of a grandDOG, not grandCHILD. What a relief since my Sam is still single! Ebony Rose (named after Sam's favorite flower, a black rose) is a Terrier-Pomeranian-Chihuaua mix. She's Chihuaua sized, a bit more than ankle high on my 5'3" frame. Her fur is soft, sleek, long and straight. She has the cutest little Pomeranian tail, but a Chihuaua face. She has the sniffing, I-need-to-run personality of a Terrier. She, Sam, Bart and I went for a long walk on the Friday afternoon before Sam's birthday. Incidentally the hat is one of Anna Maria's creations, knitted especially for her little sister. For more information on Anna Maria's craft, see her web page at: http://homepage.mac.com/steverinojohnson/annamarsfibers/index.html.

October's Project -- Making Apartment Rentable

October's big project was getting Nelson's house rentable after damage by previous tenants. This door was one of three that had to be replaced...as you can see it was pretty obvious a fist had gone through this one.

The bathroom was completely redone--new vanity, doors on the tub, flooring and subfloor. New tenants moved in the first week of November and seem very happy with the finished work.

A Study Break

Painting the porch on the apartment...a very welcome break from cracking the books!

(photo by Nelson).

Painting The Box

The Box is where the teens hang out at Crosswinds Wesleyan. Completed nearly a year ago, it needed some touchup painting over the summer. (photo by Nelson)